A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... March 2009

(A special tribute to all the women, on the occasion of International Women’s day held on March 8, 2009, )

I don’t know if after reading this article you all will call me a feminist, though I don’t claim to be one, but a poem I read, has really caught my interest, therefore I thought I should share the poem along with my views on the same. Well I don’t know who has written it, but I’m sure this person has to be a woman, because it talks of WHAT a woman should HAVE and WHAT a woman should KNOW!! Actually on a second thought I don’t think it is a Poem as there are no rhyming words, (well at least that is my idea of a poem that the last two words of two consecutive lines should rhyme.) I might be wrong on my take of a poem, as I don’t consider myself that well acquainted with Poetry, This could be a list of some DO’s and DON’T’s or one-liners that the writer has created as set rules based on her experiences. I take the liberty to call this writer a ‘lady’ as I assume that the thoughts expressed are very much of a WOMAN, and if my assumption is by any means wrong, then I would be pleasantly surprised! WHY?
Well the writer starts by saying…

“A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny..”

OK, now I don’t think this is quite true as full control over destiny can only be a feeling, and one can never control destiny. So often the best laid plans don’t materialize the way we want them to. At that time we feel that everything was so perfect then what went wrong? And the answer to that is only DESTINY! Destiny always has planned something for us if all our plans are successful then we are in sync with destiny, and if not then, I would like to believe that Destiny has laid some better plans for us. Now that should not stop us from striving or fighting for what we want. But I’m sure it is nice to have a feeling of control over our own destiny. At least it makes us feel that it is only we, or our destiny that rules us, and no one else!

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...

Now I hope I’m not giving you all wrong ideas! But when we women are independent it gives us the confidence to take some bold decisions in life that we could otherwise hesitate to. It is believed that women especially in India live their whole life for someone else. From parents to husband to children, and by the time they realize this it is too late! All of us have some hidden desires that usually don’t come at the forefront. We are either too embarrassed to talk about it thinking what will he or she say! Or we are too scared to see others’ reactions to the same. There are so many incomplete wishes that women live with or rather die with!

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

Talking about the employer, I don’t agree that you need something perfect to wear if he or she wants to see you in an hour! If this boss is a lady, then I’m sure she will go all green in her face with jealousy, and this jealousy will I’m sure do no good to your job. And if this boss is a gentleman then you might just turn him in to a devil by looking so good. Although I’m not a very fashion conscious person, I do feel that we should look impressive and carry ourselves well in a professional set up. As far as the date of your dream is concerned then yes, this tip will always be useful. A good outfit that fits you best can save a lot of time. We usually waste time deciding what to wear, and then accessorizing it takes us another millennium! Well this might be an exaggeration but don’t we often go to the extent of changing our outfit just because we have not found a good pair of earrings to compliment it or may be a nice hand bag with it??

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE..
a youth she's content to leave behind and a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age........

I don’t know what it feels like to walk down the memory lane, as at 29 I think I have many years to walk out of my youth. But I know that when I leave my youth and enter the next stage of my life, I will be content to leave it behind and explore the refreshing tomorrow! I can say this with a lot of confidence because I’m trying to live my today on my own terms. I’m prepared to own up my mistakes as they are solely mine, and I’m geared up to celebrate all my successes as they are also exclusively mine!! A lot of people might be instrumental in both my mistakes and successes and I can’t thank them enough for the experiences they have given me. Now I better stop talking as if it is my fortieth birthday’s speech, but to sum it up all I can say is that if we live our today to the fullest, we can enter our tomorrow with a lot of zest and thirst for life!

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

There are many people who make us laugh, but it is tough to find someone who lets you cry. Actually it is we who decide that it is great to have a good time and laugh with friends or family. But we think twice before we cry in front of our own friends or family. We fear losing our control in front of the people we love because we feel this might make them weak or make us weaker. We try to be strong and composed in trying times. But all of us need that special someone, a soul mate who can let us be what we are. Laugh in our good times and allow us to cry when we feel low. Do we have a friend like that????

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

This is so true. This reminds me of a dialogue from the famous movie “Taal” when Akshaye Khanna’s grandmother gives him a piece of advice. She says “Don’t fall in love, but rise in love.” This stands true for everyone whether a ‘Man’ or a ‘Woman’ we should all know how far we can go in a relationship. Or rather we should be well aware of how far our partner can go for us in a relationship. I don’t mean to say that our partner should be able to get the stars and moon for us, but he should be worth our emotions. And if not, then we should be sensible enough to realize this and move on. Some one very well said that one should not marry someone who only they love, but marry the one who loves you a lot!

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship...

Quitting a job, breaking with a lover and confronting a friend, all these acts have one thing in common which is speaking up for oneself. How often do we gather enough courage to speak up and stand by our beliefs? Out of all the above I think quitting a job must be easiest, as the stakes are the lowest, if we assume that there are many jobs in the market. Breaking up with a lover might be tougher. It is a long wait till we realize that we can’t tolerate a relationship beyond a point. Once we reach this point, we finally take a call. I think the toughest of all is to confront a friend, a friend whom we are so scared to lose. We all know how tough it is to find a true friend. We would rather forgive the friend and give him or her, another chance than confront him at the cost of losing him. But if we don’t confront, then we can never be heard. Any way, what good is a friend with whom we can’t share our views and speak our mind?

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and when to walk away...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

It is so crucial to mark a line between our efforts and sheer waste of time. Now there have been scientists who have given their whole lives to invention, but here we are talking about working towards regular day to day needs. It is so important to know our limits and then act, so that we know that we are not wasting our time on some unrealistic goals and are able to carry on. It is so important to set realistic goals for ourselves, which can also help us to motivate ourselves time and again. Eg. If we decide to lose 10 kgs in three days, we will only be disheartened on the third day. This does not mean that we should give up on the idea of losing weight, but find alternative achievable ways of doing so by setting some realistic targets for ourselves.


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

Length of our calves! I’m sure we can’t change. God has set a rule that our height is determined by our genes, so length of course we can’t! May be the width of our hips… as mentioned in my previous point, of setting realistic goals, and then of what good use will all the dieticians and gymn instructors be? And what will all the VLCCs and the Anjali Mukherji’s of the world do if they can’t change the width of our hips?? As far as the nature of our parents is concerned then, why parents, I think we cannot change any one’s nature on this universe. All we can do is influence minds.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

Only a loner can enjoy living alone. All of us want to come back home to a noisy fun-filled warm home. We all have families and none of us fear being left all alone. But in spite of the number of people in the family, a woman can be left alone to live her life. Many women come to such a juncture in their lives when they feel all alone. These women spend their lives fulfilling the needs of their near and dear ones. But then a time comes when all these close ones get busy with their own life, at this time, the vacuum starts settling in. it is so important then that we need to keep ourselves busy with either some hobby or some job. Or at least we learn to live alone or rather prepare ourselves for the solitude.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

Most women are known to be ‘emotional fools’. We get so carried away by the goodness of some people or we get so messed up if someone does not treat us right that we many a times undergo unnecessary trauma. I would say this is self inflicted trauma! It is good to have people around you who are nice to you. But it is equally important to read between lines and understand the reasons behind someone’s behaviour good or bad. I don’t mean to say that we should constantly be speculative or should always spy around, but we should be cautious of people who are extra nice with us. Of course the ones who mess up with us are the ones through whom we have the least of dangers, as they can’t get worse than what they are. At least this can save us from the strain that we put ourselves through.

I think by now all of you are pretty much sure that the writer is a woman. This was just an attempt to express my views on someone else’s thoughts. Many of you might find sense in it, while some think this was utter nonsense. All ladies reading this will sure see some glimpses of their own lives in it. If any of you have a different take on this poem do write in to me, as I would love to have another point of view on the same. Well I can only hope that the men have taken the pains of reaching the end of this article and not left it half way as here is a peep into the minds and hearts of all women! This might just help you know what women want and find your way to a woman’s heart. We all know that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach! But can this be a good navigation to the hearts of all women?