My First Nine Months... Oct. Diwali Anka 2009

The two words ‘nine’ ‘months’ when used together are rather synonymous to one of the most significant period in anyone’s life. It is that time in our lives when we are at the threshold of taking responsibility of a new life. Yes, this is our porch to parenthood, of giving birth to our child. I thoughtfully replaced motherhood with parenthood because these nine months are of equal significance to both the expecting mother and father, and together they experience one of the best moments in their lives! We as parents are fortunate to have had the same experience three years back! Since these were and always will be my first nine months of it’s kind, there could be nothing more momentous than sharing this experience with all of you through a platform which is in this diwali issue talking about everyone’s version of “my first time at………..”

There are certain things very common to everyone’s nine months and some which are unique to each couple. Well the most common feature was thankfully eliminated from my nine months which was ‘morning sickness’. From the time I learnt that I was pregnant I dreaded this very tough phenomena of morning sickness and I was very glad that I never ever suffered the same anytime. There are many other common aspects of these nine months which I’m sure all couples undergo. The sheer joy of having a baby is a constant factor in the subconscious mind of every would-be parent. But alongside this joy also a permanent resident is high levels of anxiety at various junctures due to the highs and lows in the basic health of the mother and baby. Mood swings, cravings, mental preparation for the most difficult labour pains, the delight of hearing the baby’s heart beats in the first trimester and then the bliss of seeing the foetus grow and take human shape in the eagerly awaited ultra sounds, enjoying the baby kicking inside, the constant guess work of all family members whether its going to be a boy or a girl are some of the most common features! Talking about this guesswork, something which always amazed me was how every aunt seeing the mother’s tummy grow would confidently claim if it’s a boy or a girl. Not just the tummy but even the glow on the mother’s face can help define the sex of the baby according to our very enthusiastic relatives. Baby showers, which we call ‘Dohale Jevan’ is also a function which is eagerly awaited. Now this is a function completely for the would-be mother as she enjoys a lot of pampering and gifts from all her friends and relatives. The would-be father is a mere spectator and probably spends his time clicking photographs of the mother with the others present at the function. There is a sweet ritual associated with ‘dohale jevan’ which is breaking the modak which all of us are aware of, but for those who don’t, here is something very unique to our customs. Now there are two modaks one with a laddoo inside and the other with a shingdi inside. If the would-be mother breaks the laddoo with shingdi inside then she’s going to have a girl and vice versa. This particular ritual is done twice in these months, one done by the would-be mother’s mother and the other by her mother-in-law. Now this calculation can turn out to be very misleading if in both the rituals the forecast is contradicting. Anyway these are rituals done on a lighter note and are to be enjoyed for the fun involved in it more than the belief in the same.

The would-be fathers also have some similar experiences in these nine months. High levels of anxiety about the baby and their wife’s health, monetary planning for the forthcoming expenses, reading up on the best available books on pregnancy and child care, trying their hands on holding anyone’s baby on the first given opportunity as a trial session, talking to as many people on parenting, asking other fathers on how the total experience of becoming a father is, praying everyday that their wife should not have a craving for anything in the middle of the night, and at times when their prayers are not answered helplessly making whatever is demanded available for their beloved wives etc. etc. By the way, whatever I wrote about would-be fathers is not applicable to my husband as he did nothing of it all. Barring a little bit of anxiety about the baby’s and my health (fortunately I had a pleasant pregnancy with no major complications), he had to do nothing of the above. Monetary planning at that point of time was never on his agenda, I used to read this book called “what to expect when you are expecting” gifted by my sister, I don’t think he must have completed even one chapter from that book. The first child he must have held in the past few years is our son Shaurya, I don’t think he must have ever even noticed a child around a 10ft distance from him. Since we were the first couple to get married in his friend circle, we were the first one’s to even have a baby, so the question of asking other fathers never occurred. And with luck by his side, he never had to cater to midnight emergencies such as fulfilling my food cravings as I rarely had any. These were just a few things associated with these months, some of which we encountered, and some we didn’t. But like I mentioned earlier, there are certain situations unique to each couple. We too had our share of these experiences.

In my first trimester itself, we changed homes. This was a landmark move in our lives. The grief of leaving the area we lived for so long was compensated by the joy of living in a spacious four bedroom house. We had the pleasure of designing our own rooms and since we were already expecting a baby’s arrival, we were able to plan the interiors keeping the baby in mind. Of course packing and unpacking in those days would get hectic for me since I was pregnant and could not afford to be as active as I otherwise was. From Santa Cruz we shifted to Malad, and I was working at VT. This meant that my travel time to work had doubled. It was only once that I tried to board the morning train to Churchgate from Malad, and that was my last tryst with train travel for that period. We all know the scene on a weekday morning at Malad station. Thereafter we hired a driver to take me everyday to work. Talking of work, well in those days I was working with The Times Group, handling sales for Maharashtra Times Classifieds section. My work involved a lot of travelling, and very soon, I had to announce at work that I was pregnant and would not be able to do the travelling required. I suggested to my boss to give me a temporary transfer and a change in profile, which he did. He transferred me to our Khar sub-office, but would occasionally call me to the Head Office since I was still reporting in to him. We were a team of 15 members, out of which 14 were boys. All these boys would go out for meetings and since I was the only one allowed to sit in office, I was given the responsibility of tracking ad spends of all clients across all the times group publications and its’ competition. Now this used to be a tedious job and coming up with various reports and their permutations and combinations involved a lot of calculations. My boss used to always tell me that my child will be very intelligent and strong in mathematics because of the amount of calculations I was exposed to, and would joke that I should thank him for the same. Eventually in my sixth month of pregnancy, I had to leave my job, as slowly my travelling increased, affecting my health in many ways. This was a turning point in my life. Initially I heaved a sigh of relief for being spared of the loads of work I had got myself involved in and also the everyday travel which was painful. I started enjoying my long hours of sleep which I was deprived off till then due to work. But slowly I started missing work, and felt I needed something to do and keep myself occupied. Well the tummy was growing and so was the discomfort, there was not much I could have got myself involved in at that point of time. I used to keep myself busy in some TV shows that time. There was this one program called “Baby Stories” on discovery channel. This show used to take the viewers through the nine months of selected people and their delivery process and initial few months after the baby’s birth I used to be glued to it and never missed an episode. I finished reading the book that my sister had gifted too! Well my sister was also expecting a baby at the same time. She was two months ahead of me, therefore used to share her experiences with me often. We regularly exchanged notes and certain dos and don’ts. Soon it was time for her delivery and my mother too joined her there in The United States. She delivered a healthy baby boy, on the auspicious occasion of Ganesh Chaturthi. We were all thrilled with this new addition in our family, but I was most curious about knowing the details of how severe her labour pains were and how was her experience giving birth to a child. She very bravely faced labour but warned me of the excruciating pain. I still remember the butterflies in my stomach thinking about that pain! But I used to pacify myself thinking that if giving birth to a child is a process every lady goes through anywhere in the world, then my tolerance levels are surely above the average tolerance levels of women across the world. And if so many women can continue giving birth to not only one but many in spite of the pain associated, then so can I.
The last trimester was very interesting. The feelings were mixed. On one hand I used to enjoy feeling the baby inside the womb, and counting the kicks everyday but on the other hand, I was counting days for the delivery and was physically tired of carrying the increased weight around. I used to enjoy shopping for maternity outfits at MotherCare, but used to get frustrated seeing myself outgrow all my clothes. Another thing I would dread to see was my weight on the weighing scale, which was forever increasing! Now that was not a very great sight at all! Fortunately I had a rather non-problematic pregnancy therefore we could afford to do many things which many expecting parents are deprived off due to the long bed rests advised by doctors. Considering that I was pregnant, we never had to slow down on our social activities. We never stopped partying, travelling, going for movies and dinners or attending weddings, we were there everywhere and had some great times with friends and relatives! Not forgetting the special attention and pampering that I got as an expecting mother from family and friends was overwhelming.
I was given a due date of October 29, 2006, but my doctor said that we will have to get me to deliver earlier. Two days before diwali, was my new scheduled date. It was October 17, I had not slept well the previous night, with all weird thoughts in my mind. What if I go into labour at night? What if I go into labour on the way to the hospital? What if there is an emergency caesarean operation advised? Proving all my weird thoughts wrong, there a new day was born. Early in the morning, all apprehensive of my labour time, I bravely entered the hospital. I remember being accompanied by my husband and my mother. By 11.00 am I was in labour; walking around in pain initially I was plainly waiting to get myself out of this condition. Soon I was taken in the labour room and by 3.50 pm I delivered a bonny baby boy! The doctor announced “it’s a boy!” The baby was kept in a blue tub below and taken outside; his screeching sounds of crying could be heard for a long time. My family got busy in calling up relatives and friends announcing a new arrival in our family. But I had still not seen my baby. I was taken in my room, and was patiently waiting to see him. Soon they brought him in my room; when I first held him, I suddenly realized that if GOD was running a corporate firm, this was my day of promotion. I was promoted to a new designation called “mother” with a new job profile, with of course no salary increase but some weight increase!!! Well never mind the WEIGHT that could be shredded later, but the WAIT was worth all the nine months which ended so beautifully, as God’s best creation lay so peacefully in my arms. My first nine months had just got over, but thereafter life changed forever! These nine months gave birth to a new ME, and kick started the most beautiful time of my life!