Diwali Issue Oct 2011 - Growing Up Again!

Growing Up Again!
It was a usual Friday Night weekend party at a friend’s place. After all the ‘hungama’ and ‘masti’ with half of the crowd falling asleep, just before sunrise some of us started playing the game “Truth or Dare”. The most entertaining and deadly “DARES” did their usual rounds with all of us, and then it was our turn to finally play the TRUTH game! Some of us got away with some easy questions while some of us were cornered with some embarrassing and trying moments. With a closely knit group, there is never a need to lie but sometimes remembering a past moment in our lives can be rather embarrassing or at times an eye opener! One question that was etched in my mind even days after the party – “Tell us three things / events in your life you repent the most!” Well an ideal answer that we all like to give is “I repent nothing in my life, as I have learnt something from every experience of mine!” yes, this is a great answer probably in an interview for a job, but does this answer seem true to any of us? I am sure we all have some actions or events to repent in our lives which we never like to admit and keep covering them up by saying - “yes I admit it was a mistake but I don’t repent it as I learnt a lot from it!” Well that sure is a brave front to take and I am sure we learn a lot from our mistakes, but I am also sure of this that there are some mistakes that we wish we never did!
I would have never gone back in time to relive my past, had it not been for this article. “Growing Up Again!” – What an optimistic thought. I look at it as a chance to live my life again! Well that is technically impossible, but imagination can be as wild as that! And if I have to imagine this then some of these mistakes I would like to undo. Yes of course many of my mistakes did teach me a lot, and were definitely required to mould me into the person that I am today. Imagine what a wonderful feeling it is to have the maturity of a 30 year old and still have the ability to change or undo certain actions that I did in my adolescence or may be childhood! Life would be so perfect! But these imperfections in life itself teach us the path ahead! Those sweet mistakes which accidentally introduce us to the love of our life, or which cause a fight between two thick pals only to bring them closer together, would never see the light of the day! Those days of hiding a Mills & Boons behind the science text book pretending to study, and then crying over a low percentage, those days of splurging our pocket money in the first week of the month, only to beg and borrow for the remaining weeks, fighting with our dad for a low pocket money least realizing that it is silently teaching us to plan our finance, those days of cribbing over not having a room to ourselves only to grow up and realize how much we miss sharing the bed and secrets with our siblings, those days of envying older cousins on having their independence waiting for the day when we will start working ourselves, only to realize that childhood was that golden period of our lives which will never return, etc. etc. these are experiences, and sweet mistakes which are worth every tear, smile, frown, and sleepless night they bring along with them. But even today when I introspect, I remember certain situations which probably haven’t affected me much, but have troubled someone else in many ways! These are mistakes I may have committed unknowingly which may have hurt someone and in the heat of adolescence I must have never bothered to even make up to that person! Today as a 30 year old my reactions are far more calculated and thought over, but as a teenager I know I must have hurt a friend, or a loved one least bothering about his or her feelings. These are some of the spoken words, or actions that I would like to undo if I get a chance to live my life again!
I have been very fortunate to have had a wonderful, secure and happy childhood unlike many people I know! Childhood comprises of those formative years of our lives where the experiences and learnings actually mould us into unique individuals. Although we were 10 people living in one house, our family extended over a larger group with other cousins living in the same building as us. We were a family of almost 30 living under the same roof! In school I remember telling my teachers on various occasions that I live in a joint family, least knowing that mine actually was a unique joint family with almost 30 people living in the same building sharing, playing, celebrating, cribbing and crying together! We had the most wonderful vacations and never needed friends to spend time with, as our cousins were our best friends! We had what many children could only dream of - A financially and emotionally secure childhood! But what I appreciate today, I took it for granted as a child. At that time, at any given time, I could walk into any of my uncle’s home and find someone to talk to or play with right from a 75 year old to a 5 year old! Today I miss having all those people around me. On the third floor of our building all flats were occupied by our family, so often in the evenings, the main doors of those flats would be wide open and we would walk in freely and move around and play wherever we like. As a kid I used to hate to see those doors shut and would always assume that it is against the family’s tradition to keep those doors shut, but today, I am eagerly waiting for all of them to just come back in the re constructed building to live together not even bothering about those doors open or shut! When my parents decided to leave that flat and settle in Vikhroli, I visited my empty home many times before relocating myself…. But many years later recently when I saw pictures of our building terrace posted by a cousin on Facebook, I realized that I missed giving a last visit to that terrace which is witness to some of the most memorable moments of our lives. It was our cousins’ so called ‘adda’ where we have celebrated all festivals, played holi, organized fun n fares, had our birthday parties, in fact some of us must have celebrated all our milestone events on that terrace right from our own naming ceremony to birthdays to wedding sangeets, to baby showers and probably completed the circle with our kids’ naming ceremony too! This ‘adda’ cannot be replaced by any other hang out area in the world; still as a kid I never really appreciated it as much as I do today! Such a wonderful childhood probably could have just bettered had I appreciated all these things while I experienced them! If I have to grow up again, I would want to live exactly the same childhood with the awareness of being given life’s best childhood and the ability to appreciate the same at the same time!
Growing up again! – In a matter of a few hours I could relive my complete life and imagine what I would want to retain and undo in my life in a jiffy! Imagination can surely reveal some truths that we often overlook in reality. Well many situations and experiences in our lives happen out of our own or other’s actions and reactions. But there are some experiences that are led by fate and are not governed by anyone’s actions or reactions. Are we destined to see happiness and pain in the degree that we actually do or do we decide that degree ourselves? Can we rule our destiny? If I have to grow up again, Can I make that small change in my life, where I can plan my destiny? Can I undo an event when I have lost a dear one? Can I undo a mishap in the life of a close friend? Is it possible to evade a natural calamity? Will I still see that much pain in some other form, if these events have to change? May be yes, or may be no! I don’t really know the answer to this, but it would be great if in my second chance of growing up I could edit my life in such a fashion that I could contribute in a larger way towards my fate not merely through my actions and reactions, but by changing certain patterns in life which seem rather unpleasant. I know this isn’t possible in reality, but imagination need not be bound! It is only in our mind’s eye that we can see fiction and wishfully think of living it someday! Alas! Growing up again does seem to be a great option, but is not a reality… we are here to live just ONE life, and we must do all we can to live it to the fullest!! Here’s wishing all the readers a very Happy Diwali and as we step into the New Year, I wish another healthy, happy and prosperous year for all of us to live to the fullest!